I’m going to discuss why some of us feel trapped in relationships while others feel abandoned, and how to overcome this very frustrating dance of love. I’m a therapist, so I’ll start where you’d expect: We all have emotional wounds from childhood. These wounds cause us to struggle with intimacy as adults. In almost all cases, individuals who fear abandonment will partner with individuals who fear entrapment. Voila! The push-pull relationship. One person desperately tries to get closer while the other tries to get away. A painful predicament for both involved. If you find yourself in this type of dynamic, what’s important to remember is that it’s common, and it’s an opportunity for you to grow. Here’s how—if you’re prone to feeling abandoned, you have to learn to soothe yourself through this fear. Recognize that this is your core wound, and take responsibility for it. For those of you who fear entrapment, the same goes for you. If you want to experience deep intimacy in your life, then you have to face this fear head-on. Start by owning that this is your fear, and soothe through it, rather than run away. The way to soothe through it similar to what I described above. Contact the love within you — feel into its expansive nature and space. Know that you cannot be taken over; know that you’ll be okay. If you practice staying in a relationship while soothing through your fear, you will grow (and so will your relationship). When it comes to love and intimacy, we have to be very compassionate with ourselves and with each other. If you’re partnered with someone who fears abandonment, be empathic about this fear within them. And if you’re partnered with someone who fears being trapped, be empathic about their fear, too. Simply recognize that your partner’s needs and fears are different than yours. This empathy will go a long way.
