As licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli previously explained to mbg, the mirroring nature of twin flames forces the two to identify all of their insecurities and fears, but it also helps shed light on the areas in which they can grow. When both people are ready for this kind of deep vulnerability and intimacy, these relationships can be incredibly profound and enriching. But make no mistake: They’re also challenging and, according to Spinelli, can quickly become toxic when one or both parties aren’t ready. “The very fact that a person believes you are ‘meant to be’ can cloud their judgment about issues in the relationship,” Spinelli notes. “Your love will be put to a test as you start to dive deep into your shadow sides,” spiritual author Shannon Kaiser previously noted. And when this happens, according to Spinelli, one partner may avoid the other or even abandon the relationship. “Twin flame relationships have a ton of push-pull,” Kaiser adds. “Part of the chase is the reward for each person. But there will be a time when one partner will pull away, and this causes separation.” Many twin flames will end up making their way back to each other, even if it takes years—but not all. It depends on the level of work the twin flames do individually while they are separate. Some twin flame relationships can be toxic, however, and they may never reunite—or shouldn’t. As relationships reader and psychic Nicole Bowman previously told mbg, “Sometimes twin flames run. There’s a lot of self-reflection and realizing that this relationship is deeper than any others you’ve had before. It’s a very challenging idea to love someone unconditionally and still have healthy boundaries and share that with the world—not everyone is ready for that.” In a healthy twin flame relationship, both people can grow together, but in the case of separation, growth isn’t happening within the relationship. As psychotherapist Annette Nuñez, M.S., Ph.D., explains, “If someone feels stagnant and like they’re not being the best version of themselves, it may not be the healthiest relationship.” Self-love can be an issue in twin flame relationships because of the nature of the concept, which can be misconstrued to mean that there’s a “perfect match” out there for you whom you need to find in order to be whole. “Perfection does not exist, and believing that it does can be highly self-sabotaging,” Tanya Carroll Richardson, professional intuitive and author of Angel Intuition, previously wrote for mbg. She adds that you don’t need anyone to complete you or your soul, either, and one person cannot possibly answer all of your prayers and problems. When that work is done, she adds, that’s when twin flames can often rekindle because they’re ready to approach the relationship in a new and stronger way. But this growth can’t be fast-tracked, she adds, and that’s when you really have to trust what’s meant for you will be. “Know the universe isn’t going to steer you wrong, and if you’re truly meant to be, you’ll go off and find your way back together again,” she says. Focus on learning to be OK being by yourself, she suggests. Take yourself out on dates, learn to sit with your emotions, practice shadow work, and don’t try to replace what you’ve lost by rushing into another relationship. Nuñez says this time is about finding your happiness. And remember, we can have platonic soul mates and other important relationships in our lives that also teach us important lessons and help us grow. The separation period is a good time to nourish those relationships, too. But sometimes twin flames do rekindle, and in that case, the separation was necessary for them to come back together better than before. So, it’s not really a question of whether the separation period is “good” or “bad” but a matter of trusting what’s meant to be will be. Some twin flames have multiple separation periods as well, so it’s not impossible that the same issues can become a major problem again. But that’s not to say you won’t eventually be able to overcome them. Nuñez notes if you’re trusting your intuition, communicating openly and honestly, not trying to change each other, and feel complete as individuals, that’s a good sign. If not, you still may not be ready.
