“Last week I had sex once, but I had three orgasms,” says Madeline, 37. “We have two kids and jobs. We don’t have time to just throw down and get it on anymore. Wednesday night is our date night, and it works for us. The sex is great!” It’s time to ditch the obligation sex. Orgasm stacking is effective because it takes the pressure off “getting it in” and allows partners to really engage with each other during intimate moments. It removes the sense of obligation we sometimes have with sex. Let’s face it: Sometimes sex feels like a luxury we don’t have the man-hours to entertain. When you focus on quality instead of quantity, you allow partners to have better sexual experiences and create closer intimate bonds. “Orgasm stacking is a great way to extend the life of your sexuality and sexual play,” sex therapist Moushumi Ghose, LMFT, tells MBG. The timetable will look different for everyone. Communicate with your partner about your needs and create a “sexy date” night (or morning) that works for both of you. Stick to this time together. Ghose says that edging and control can really benefit you. “You can actually practice starting and stopping your orgasms, withholding or preventing yourself from orgasming, or instead of relishing in the glow of your last orgasm, get right back on the horse, so to speak, therefore giving you more control over your orgasms and the potential to have even more,” she says. Edging means stimulating yourself in a way that brings you sexual pleasure to the point of almost-orgasming. This can be through the clitoris, G-spot, nipples, another erogenous zone, or through different combinations of stimuli. Take time to breathe into your body and enjoy the pleasure of your partner’s touch. (Here’s our full guide to edging.) This technique is a great way to connect more deeply with your body. Once you get to that final release into orgasm, it can be much more powerful. When your nerve endings are already alert from previous stimulation, with no release, your body aches for that orgasm. Getting there can be a full-bodied experience. Hello, full-body orgasms. “I never even thought I’d have time for edging when I heard about it,” says Becky*, 28. “Like, why am I going to try not to orgasm? I didn’t come to the party to not orgasm. But once I actually dedicated time to the practice, I found myself genuinely excited for sex. I hadn’t felt that in a long time.” Having sex is important. But good sex is what’s really important. Having one or two super-exquisite sex sessions when you can be in the moment and enjoying everything is far superior to four super-short, mostly unsatisfying experiences. “I will always choose good, focused sex over having more sex,” explains Lucy, 30. “Quality and orgasm is what I value. Not some quick humping that doesn’t lead to feeling good. If I know I’m going to have good sex, I’m more likely to want to have it.” Engle’s work has appeared in many publications, including SELF, Elle, Glamour, Women’s Health, Refinery29, and many others, and her articles have been shared over 50 million times, with her top posts reaching over 150 million shares. She also writes a popular advice column called Ask Gigi, and her first book, All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life, debuts in January 2020. She has a degree in both English and journalism from Fordham University College at Lincoln Center. Engle is an original member of The Women of Sex Tech and a certified member the World Association of Sex Coaches.
