Masturbation is typically a taboo subject and an activity that’s restricted to total privacy, says Ashley D. Sweet, M.A., LPC, LMHC, CCRC. Because of that, it can be thrilling to “share with someone else something you may have learned is culturally forbidden.” No matter why you decide to explore this activity, here’s what you need to know about it before you welcome others to your party. So, like solo masturbation but with more people and variations? Exactly. Whether you use toys, hands, or both to enjoy either kind of partnered masturbation, Herzog tells mbg this sexual experience is “great for anyone who’s open to genital stimulation.” Plus, she says it can be a fun activity to add to your sexual repertoire. Because you can enjoy mutual masturbation without touching or being touched, Courtney Geter, LMFT-S, CST, says long-distance partners can engage in masturbation together via phone or video call. And when partners are in the same location, they can mutually masturbate as a way to explore a new type of sexual play together (or to get sexy while social distancing). Many people have their best orgasms when they do it themselves, she adds, and sharing “a powerful self-produced orgasm can be a really fun and hot experience.” Here are a few tips and places to start: Herzog says sexual communication is the foundation for a pleasure-centered and fulfilling sex life, “So, simply asking your partner if they’re interested in mutually masturbating is a great way to start.” Sometimes, that may be easier said than done. According to Sweet, talking about sexual desire is the hardest part for a lot of couples. To remedy this, she says to choose a way to bring it up that fits the context of your relationship, whether it’s over dessert, via text, or by sending your partner an article like this one. If you need a starting point, use Herzog’s prompts: “There’s no one right way to bring up conversations about exploring sex or masturbation,” says Sweet, so her advice is to make it playful and light. “And above all else, don’t ‘yuck’ your partner’s ‘yum!’” However, Geter reminds that you can explore this sex activity in whatever way feels comfortable and accessible for you and your partner—if that means no toys and touching, more power to your pleasure. If you are curious about which toys and accessories to include, here are a few to consider besides vibrators: You can also try Geter’s recommendation: One partner sits while the other lies down as you both stroke and caress your own or their genitalia. You can maximize everyone’s pleasure during virtual mutual masturbation with a trusted partner (or partners) with these tips: On a larger scale, if you and your partner(s) share bodily fluids, it’s possible to transmit infections and diseases. To avoid this, Sweet says to practice safer sex, get tested for STIs regularly, and practice barrier methods with new partners. Additionally, Herzog says to “make sure not to share sex toys if you integrate them into your sexual play” to protect yourself and others from STIs, unless you and your partner(s) are fluid bonding. Another major risk to keep in mind is limited privacy. “Just like with any other sex act, if you take your mutual masturbation into the digital realm,” says Sweet, “you risk it being leaked to the world, both deliberately and by accident!” However, “it’s up to the individuals to create a safe space for exploring this space,” says Sweet, and consent is a huge part of that. “It’s important that consent is enthusiastically established and that all parties know they can revoke their consent at any time.”
