These days, more and more people are stepping out of the binary and taking hold of more fitting terms to express themselves, including in ways sometimes described as gender nonconforming (GNC). Gender nonconforming is also sometimes considered an umbrella term that can apply to anyone that is not cisgender, says sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.D. For reference, someone who is cisgender is someone whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. In some cases, usually in health and psychology research contexts, the term “transgender and gender nonconforming” or TGNC may be used to encompass all non-cisgender identities, but the acronym doesn’t always fit. “TGNC provides a broad umbrella for gender-spectrum understanding and care, but it might miss nuances of how various kinds of gender-nonconforming people understand themselves. Also, not everyone feels trans and GNC are that much alike, and so the acronym might feel to some like they’re not sufficiently seen,” Queen explains. Not all trans people are gender nonconforming, and not all gender-nonconforming people are trans. Other terms used to describe people whose gender identity or expression doesn’t fit with mainstream gender norms include nonbinary, gender-expansive, and gender-creative. While sex is typically assigned at birth by a health care provider based on a handful of biological traits attached to reproduction, a person’s gender is their innate, internal sense of being a woman, man, both, neither, a combination, or something else entirely, explains Anne Hodder-Shipp, multi-certified sex and relationships educator and founder of Everyone Deserves Sex Ed. Meanwhile, gender “norms” are any kind of societal expectation placed on people based solely on their genitals. These expectations run the gamut from a person’s physical appearance, behaviors, interests, roles in life, family and professional roles, sexual desires, and interests, and more. According to Hodder-Shipp, female gender norms often include: “It can make it difficult to challenge or question gender norms, and feel uncomfortable when they are challenged by others, because for many people, these norms have been a part of the ground they walk on and the foundation on which they’ve built their identity, homes, relationships, spiritual connection, and more,” they tell mbg. “For example, the way I behave in a group or the values I hold about relationships fall outside of gender norms often imposed on me, but that doesn’t mean that I must now identify as gender nonconforming. I’m just being me,” they say. “Sometimes when I am dressing for an event, however, I may intentionally select clothing or accessories that fall outside of what might be expected of my appearance. In this case, I’m intentionally nonconforming to expectations that society holds for folks who look like me, and it’s the intent that makes it nonconforming and subversive.” According to Queen, other ways gender nonconforming could appear in practice include: Hodder-Shipp says exploring our identity is a process, and there isn’t a checklist that can help people determine if a term applies to them. A lot of the process involves connecting to how you feel in your mind and body when you say and hear these terms, especially when experimenting with using them yourself (and having close trusted friends use them with you). “Keep in mind that much of this has to do with intention—if you are just being you and you have no connection to intentionally subverting or rejecting gender-related norms, then that’s enough! Just keep being you. There is no pressure to use any terms or labels that don’t feel quite right, even if they sound ‘correct’ on paper,” they explain. This can be a fluid process full of questions and uncertainty but also with some excitement, curiosity, and euphoria, so take the pressure off and just check in with yourself as you see how words and terms feel. “Also keep in mind that choosing labels or words is not a requirement, and you don’t ever have to find ones that feel perfect or accurate to describe yourself. If it feels more challenging than empowering to be in this exploratory place, or if the uncertainty feels unsafe for you, I recommend working with a therapist who specializes in gender (ideally someone who might identify as GNC or genderqueer themselves!) who can provide guidance in a safer and more intentional container,” they add. “Do the work of tracking your own emotional responses to the presence of gender-nonconforming people,” Rae adds. Additionally, remember that once you reject the most conservative gender norms, there is no one way to be a gendered person. So don’t police others re: whether they are doing GNC “correctly.” We are all on a spectrum, Queen says.
