Get clear on the reasons you think it’s time to end things. Perhaps the partnership makes you feel invisible, insecure, needy, or consistently negative. Or, maybe you’ve realized you got lost in the potential of the relationship, when the reality is quite the opposite. In some instances, you may have expressed concerns with your partner, and nothing’s changed. If you haven’t brought up concerns to your partner, that’s definitely something you should do first before jumping to a breakup, according to Beurkens, for the sake of you and your partner. She also notes it’s never a bad idea to speak with others (family and friends, or a relationship professional) about your feelings and options to find clarity. In general, here are some signs you should break up, from psychotherapist Megan Bruneau, M.A.: “Preparing can help you feel more grounded and less anxious. It also can help you feel more clear on your reasons and how you want to articulate it to your partner,” explains psychotherapist Babita Spinelli, L.P. Then, when you’re ready, “Pick a time to talk that is mutually convenient, with the least distractions, and let them know in advance that you have something important to discuss,” she adds. Beurkens notes the importance of considering the feelings and needs of your partner and approaching this in a way that allows them to feel supported. And finally, should you be worried about how your partner will react, she and Spinelli both suggest breaking up with others close by. (Here’s our full guide on how to leave an abusive relationship.) RELATED STORY: The 7 Stages Of A Breakup: How To Get Through & Move On “Express your emotions with kindness and authenticity,” Spinelli says. “It is important to navigate the conversation with respect to yourself and to your partner.” She adds communicating with “I” phrases instead of “you” statements—so that you’re focusing on what you need and not on blaming—is helpful. And as respectfully as you can, keep your boundaries firm and remember why you’re having the conversation. “Expect that your partner may need space or some time to process your decision,” Spinelli notes, “and you may, too, once you have communicated your feelings. Be open to your thoughts, and come up with a plan together of how you will part ways.” RELATED STORY: 9 Tips For Coping With Heartache, From Relationship Experts (You can check out our full guide to living with an ex here.) This is a natural human reaction, she says. And if you are feeling guilty, it’s important to remember you made the decision for a reason, even though it can be painful to your partner. “You can be empathetic, but you are responsible for your own feelings and should not hold theirs,” she adds. “You are allowed to make choices for your happiness and well-being.” As with any relationship, it’s a good idea to give yourself a period of mourning before you jump into the dating game again, to allow you to fully process and heal. There’s no right or wrong time to start dating again; just try to be honest with yourself about what you’re seeking in a relationship. And lastly, if you still have to live together for a while, again, communication is key. Set boundaries and give each other space, and keep communicating honestly. (Here’s our full guide on how to get over a breakup.)
