Although the specifics might vary for different people, these kinds of ups and downs in life are very common. Depending on the intensity of these life changes, it can send some people into an identity crisis. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson introduced the concept of the identity crisis in the 1950s. His examination1 of the ego identity led to the theory that we all experience specific growth stages for healthy personality development throughout our lives. Some of us experience these life transitions in an intensely abrupt way, which can feel like a crisis. Common ways that our culture talks about these transitions are tied to specific life segments, such as a midlife or quarter-life crisis. According to licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, we “feel most authentically like ourselves when we have a felt sense of security in our body, a knowing that we believe ourselves to be confident in our identities and have this affirmed by our community, loved ones, or even society; an identity crisis can occur anytime there’s a conflict when how we see ourselves differs or is invalidated.” According to Rosenberg, some situations that may trigger such questioning include: Sometimes realizations related to an aspect of our identity—such as our gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity—can also themselves trigger a so-called identity crisis. For example, if you’ve been raised by conservative parents with traditional gender roles and realize you might actually be trans, your internal world might start to have a strong desire to change its external world accordingly. However, we might hesitate because of the many implications coming out might have on our lives, and it might not feel safe to express ourselves just yet—leading to an internal feeling of confusion or crisis. “For many of us with multiple marginalized identities or systematically minoritized people, this can actually occur quite frequently as we navigate systems that are not made for us,” Tuazon says. Tuazon notes common questions could be: “Our body feeling a sense of insecurity can help clue in whether or not we are having an identity crisis—we can feel fatigued, less motivated, irritable in places we typically have felt validated in,” Tuazon explains. These physical signals from our bodies are useful. It’s our job to pay attention. Learn how to feel into what wisdom your body has to offer. Rosenberg shares that her clients often show up in therapy saying things like “my life looks great on paper” and “nothing is really wrong” but who are also feeling deeply unsatisfied or unhappy. There is often an added layer of judgment that comes through in statements like “what’s wrong with me?” or “I just need to stop complaining.” The statements, paired with judgment, can be an indication that you’re in an identity crisis. Much psychological research suggests our relationships with other people inform how we view ourselves. For example, this could look like your friends all becoming moms, and you’re the only child-free friend of the group. Your relationship with your friends as new moms can make you start to question your own identity. Recent studies2 reveal that our brains don’t fully develop until the age of 25. The prefrontal cortex, which is related to attention capacity and impulse control, is the last to develop. So our minds are neurobiologically changing through our mid-20s. “I don’t like the language of ‘crisis’ because what we are talking about is a healthy and arguably necessary part of human development,” she explains. ““I actually think there’s more danger in not having an identity crisis at some point because it’s so important for our growth to be able to look at our lives and ask important questions about our beliefs and values and to understand how and why we arrived there. I like to think of it more as a period of exploration or as an opportunity to reevaluate and realign with ourselves.” The first step of noticing is becoming still. Notice without judgment your surroundings, including the people around you, what’s being said, how people are being treated, and how your body reacts to these cues. Just noticing what’s around you while in stillness can help bring more clarity to your experience. You may also want to consider whether it makes sense to remove yourself from environments that are causing you to question yourself or find ways to create boundaries to protect your sense of self. Learning and understanding what ego death is may take a bit of research and spiritual practice but can result in a freeing experience. There are also ways to find support through an identity crisis beyond talk therapy, such as through somatic therapy or art therapy, where mental health professionals guide you through bodywork and artistic expression. In a world that actively disconnects us from our true selves, we are the only ones who can steer ourselves out of crisis. Stay as close to your inner voice as you can, connect with your confidants (and possibly a therapist), and step courageously into the next version of you. Catahan currently runs, writes, and lives in San Francisco.
