We’ve come a long way on the road toward true gender equality, and yet sometimes it can feel like progress has halted completely. Women make up less than a quarter of the 535 members of the U.S. Congress, and as of last year, women held CEO positions of just 5 percent of Fortune 500 companies. The gender pay gap persists as well, the worst of it falling on the shoulders of women of color; Latina women make 54 cents for every dollar a man makes. Meanwhile, maternal mortality rates are soaring, with black women carrying the brunt of the suffering, being three to four times more likely to die from pregnancy than their white sisters. One in five women have experienced sexual assault, and the odds more than double for trans women of color. Women are also twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with depression. In honor of International Women’s Day, we spoke to our community of wellness experts, as well as the influential thinkers, educators, and activists leading the movement for greater equality and justice, to understand how women can better support each other on a daily basis in every single part of their lives. That includes everything from work to motherhood to emotional well-being and beyond. Black women are especially placed with the burden of being too “strong” to experience pain—despite being more at risk of mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Don’t make assumptions about which one of your woman friends most needs help and support, Naima says. “Gift all of your friends check-in time to see how they are caring for their mental and emotional health. ‘How are you?’ can come off as a superficial question, but asking ‘How is your mental and emotional health?’ cuts through superficiality.” “We tend to forget about the importance of unplugging and separating ourselves from others to reflect on what’s happening in our lives,” she says. “Alone time is not only great for your overall well-being, but it can also increase the quality of the relationships you have with other women. Schedule alone time on your calendar so you have the opportunity to reinvigorate your mind and body. Encourage other women to schedule alone time and to not be afraid to eat lunch alone when they are at work and need to decompress.” “We have got to know who the other women are out there doing good shit in areas that intersect with our own work,” she tells mbg. “Always, always, always have a list of names at the ready to recommend and signal-boost.” “Share your experiences in safe, trusted networks of other women and femmes,” she says. “Did you negotiate a strong maternity leave package? Tell others about how you made that happen and who championed you. Did a superior say or do something inappropriate? Warn other women. I would not be nearly as successful as I am today if it were not for this type of insider trading.” Heading up a search committee for new hires in your department? Go out of your way to extend support for the women candidates being considered, Jawed-Wessel says. “If we make an offer for a position to a woman, before she makes a decision, I make a point to tell her what myself and others successfully negotiated for in terms of salary and benefits. A better package for her harms me in no way at all and sets the bar for her to do the same for women who come after her.” Likewise, always acknowledge that not all women menstruate, and not all people who menstruate are women. Avoid gendered language when talking about menstrual cycles and vulvas unless you’re specifically talking about women who have them. “When you hear your friend start to give an explanation of her actions, after listening for a few minutes, gently remind her that ‘just because you want to’ is a sufficient reason,” Hallett says. “She has permission to make the choices she wants, without justification. The idea of actively giving yourself permission is very empowering and reinforces your ability to act in your own best interests, treating yourself with love and compassion.” Publicly thank women for brewing the coffee, tidying up the PowerPoint, or scheduling the kids’ medical appointments. Or better yet—do it yourself so she doesn’t have to. One way to even out the playing field when it comes to sex is to simply talk more about it, Shula Melamed, M.A., MPH, relationship and well-being coach, tells mbg. “Create nonjudgmental spaces to talk about sexuality and desire,” she recommends. “A lot of the time in my work I find that the main question I get is ‘Am I normal?’ So whether it’s fantasies they want to explore, physiological or hormonal changes that affect performance or responses, or shifting relationship dynamics, talking about these things can help women release shame and find out that a lot of other people experience similar things.” “Be a role model for young girls, paying close attention to statements about gender behavior (‘That’s a girl toy,’ ‘That’s a boy activity,’ etc.),” she tells mbg. “If you notice these phrases around them, acknowledge it and say something different. Always encourage girls to be bold and brave, from their very earliest moments.” “Say you are feminist, even if it’s uncomfortable. A feminist is just someone who believes in equal rights for all,” Wegner says. “When I see a woman who is beautiful to me, I always tell her she’s beautiful,” life coach Shazia Imam tells mbg. “I used to feel shy to say it, especially to strangers and worrying they would think I’m weird! But I decided to let my own self-doubts go and say it—whether it’s at a social event, at the cash register, or even on the street! And every single time, the woman smiles back to say ’thank you’ with a huge smile on her face. Often with the words, ‘You made my day!’” With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
