You may be thinking, “I actually enjoy daydreaming, reminiscing, and just letting my mind wander. It’s relaxing for me.” I’m not suggesting that you give up intentional mind-wandering or daydreaming, as when it’s intentional, it actually supports creativity, positive emotions, insight, relaxation, and helps us to better plan for the future. That intention is presence, and it unfolds in a specific way in our everyday lives. It’s not easy to pause and be present for more and more moments. Living intentionally rather than automatically means that we can actually choose what’s next rather than remaining entrenched in our habits. Not doing so means missing much of our lives as we rush around on autopilot. Presence brings a fresh lens to our lives, allowing us to see things as if for the very first time, reinhabiting right now. The solution? Pick one quick activity you do every day on autopilot and repurpose it to time when you can be fully aware, whether it’s taking a shower and feeling the water on your skin, or driving and feeling your hands on the steering wheel. Notice the difference for yourself. If you don’t notice anything, that’s OK—that doesn’t mean it isn’t working or you aren’t doing it right. Be patient, persist, and try it with another activity! To make matters even worse, we are often unaware of our interpretations of situations, and that’s where presence can be especially useful. When we do find ourselves lost in thinking, we can learn to shift our attention to how we feel in order to try to relate directly to the experience. Unfortunately, the ability to refocus our attention in this way is not a switch we can flip on and off. Managing our attention so that we can directly sense our experiences, rather than just relate to them through our thoughts, is a skill set that takes time and practice to develop. Think of a slight, insult, or sadness you have felt recently, and have a look at what went through your mind. Did you feel angry, sad, or? We each have our own “go-to” emotion. Just being aware of this is a solid starting point for more presence. Unintentionally ruminating about the past can mean reexperiencing the pain of past losses, while worrying about the future can mean dread of disappointments that very well may never occur. Examples would include replaying in our minds the job interview we are certain we messed up or worrying about how our teen will ever get into college. The more we can disengage from unintended mental time travel, the more we can fully inhabit and enjoy the present moment. Furthermore, when we are not present, we are most likely heading into a downward spiral full of negativity. Endlessly reexperiencing the pain of our past failures and future worries is both exhausting and stressful. Unfortunately, the more we dwell on the negative, the more our brains become accustomed to dwelling on the negative and continue to do so. Try it out for yourself. The next time you become aware that your thoughts are in the past or present, take a moment to look at them–are they negative, repetitive, about you? The first step is becoming aware, pausing for the present, so just a few more seconds of being present today can begin to make a difference in how you feel. Caroline was a civil litigator for over ten years, mainly representing Japanese corporate clients in intellectual property matters. She served as Vice President in Litigation at Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios and prior to that she was Senior Counsel at Spelling Entertainment in Los Angeles, where she served as production attorney for the Judge Judy show. Caroline is also a mediator and has served on the Los Angeles County Superior Court’s mediation panel. Prior to attending law school, Caroline taught English in Japan for three years. Caroline currently provides workshops and lectures on strategies to optimize our personal and professional well-being. She is also the author of The Gift of Presence: A Mindfulness Guide for Women.
