The role-play can be as developed and complex or as simple as you like: You can incorporate costumes, backstories, and music to set the scene, or you can just narrate what you’re doing from a different perspective. The point is just to use your imagination to heighten sexual pleasure, tap into sexual fantasies, and play with creativity and self-expression. Role-play is also a chance to step outside of the everyday rules you usually live your life by. “It allows couples to do things they wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing otherwise,” explains sex therapist Aliyah Moore, Ph.D. “If you’re used to asking politely, role-playing gives you the chance to become more assertive and make decisive orders toward your partner. On the other hand, if you’re someone who’s used to pleasing others, role-playing gives you the chance to simply lie down, relax, and take the role of the receiver.” Moore goes on to say that role-play can be a wonderful way for couples to bond and get closer as “acting out a fantasy builds the anticipation between partners, making sexual encounters more intimate and fulfilling.” She also suggests that you consider what scenarios you might be interested in exploring before you bring it up with your partner so that you’re prepared to answer their questions and explain what you might be into. It’s also important to keep in mind that discussing desires related to role-play should be a series of discussions rather than a one-and-done situation, says Hattab. Being really clear with your partner about which aspects of a role-play scenario turn you on can help both of you to glean more pleasure from it. “An open discussion of the fantasy may help the partner understand what aspect means the most in role-playing to the other person,” Hattab adds. “A partner who is less interested in role-play may be open to it with some more understanding of why their partner has this fantasy.” Make sure you’re on the same page before diving in. A scenario in which you’re the doctor and your partner is the patient, for example, could have myriad different ways of being played out. Establish a framework together for what things are off-limits and what things you both think are sexy.
